Can you really put a value on your relationship? On your marriage? The divorce process can be ruthless and will often steer parties into a downward spiral focusing on numbers that seem to equate to the marriage.

Because of the inherent nature in dividing assets and creating two separate households during divorce, parties often times get bogged down in creating values. Ultimately the property will need to be divided. But as couples work through this process, their life as they know it turns into a diagram of numbers. They start equating their married life to objects and cash flow. While not saying it outright, what they are really thinking is how much do you value me? Is that how much our marriage was worth to you? Does it all really boil down to numbers on a piece of paper? Is this how much our relationship was worth?

That’s where the emotions kick in. How you work through those emotions is going to be different for every couple. And the process couples choose will make a difference. But I’ve learned through my own experience and through working with numerous different couple relationships that what people need is acknowledgement and to stay away from trying to put a value on your marriage. In quoting Heidi Priebe author of The First Universe, “Meeting and letting go of the love of your life doesn’t have to be your life’s single greatest tragedy. If you let it, it can be your greatest blessing.”

Not that divorce is going to be a blessing, but without some kind of acknowledgment, the emotional side can’t get the closure it needs to move on. Acknowledgement of what? Acknowledgement plain and simple that your life together mattered. That you really did love each other and mean a lot to each other. That you had some great memories together. That you are a more complete person for knowing each other. That you have learned from each other. That you have each shaped the other person’s life in a way no one else has. That you wouldn’t be the person you are today without your shared life together.

Life sometimes interferes with love. And sometimes Life needs more than just love to make it work. Divorcing couples need to learn from past pitfalls and get help and guidance to move-on. Everyone deserves to start living their life again. Surround yourself with people who will help guide you to move forward in a positive way.